Broken Hearted

I am not sure where to start on this blog I am about to write, but it will end up somewhere. Some of it will make sense to others, while it won't affect others that are not involved.

When I say I am friends with someone I literally mean it. When I say I love my friends I definetly without a shadow of doubt I mean it. When I say friends forever, I mean it, until I am betrayed or fooled beyond belief.

When your truly friends with someone, you NEVER ever cast them to be some evil person. You never ever make them feel inferior. And you certainly do NOT knock them down when they are already down with a ton of stuff on their homefront.

I realize my posts at times may NOT be correct in some people's eyes. But it is how I handled situations when I feel violated in one form or another.

Here recently I heard a lot of horrid things that someone thought of me. And what the person said is virtually untrue. And I would have never said those things to anyone. It was very cruel in every sense of the word.

I am NOT here to be liked by all. In fact, if I was I would be a pretty lame person to even think I was friends with hundreds or even thousands of people. I do however have a good amount of friends on my facebook that I stay in contact with a daily/wkly/mthly basis. It ranges from friends, to my in real life family.

After all was said and done this person decided to block me without giving me a chance to rebuttle, so I thought hmm how about a blog to write out my feelings of shock, hurt, deception, lies, untrue accussations, etc.

When I first read what was sent to me. I sat in front of my desk for about an hour before I started crying. Yes you got what you wanted. If you thought those words would not hurt your sadly disallusioned. I never in my life thought that this person could utter such nasty things.

This person only knows me via online. Never once have I spoken to this person on the telephone. Which is okay and fine by me. But I will not tolerate someone misreading what I type, because as someone says .. how do you know exactly what emotions are present when someone types something. The answer to that is you don't. However, being one that can greatly say at times she uses constructive sarcasm; one comment from a group I was attending was meant to be sarcastic. Whether this person, the next person, or that person believes or not, it is what is.

A close friend of mine phoned me to talk to me personally about the situation. Sadly, she should have never of had to call me, nor should she have been pulled in the middle. That was very childish to do so, as this person was not present at the time.

This same person that sent me such negative things also, sent me an apology letter to say they were sorry, and they were sorry that they hurt my feelings, etc. Keeping in mind that this message was sent to me after the person that phoned me.

Do I believe it was a sincere an apology? I'd have to say maybe. Why did it take this person 1-2 days give or take to send an apology.

Well I did send a message back to this person stating that I accepted their apology, but I could forgive but never forget. And basically in a round about way told her not to contact me anymore.

Do I think that was the right thing to do? I don't know. I just know it hurt like hell to hear those utterings from someone you truly cared about and thought was your close friend.

Do I miss this person, their postings? Absofluckinlutely! I will miss her forever most likely. She touched a part of my heart. It isn't easy to forget someone that once made you smile, laugh, and even cry.

I just want this person to know that I did what I thought was best. I do NOT hate you, and never will. But will say never ever utter those words to someone. You never know whose heart you maybe breaking. And never knock someone down when they are already weighed heavily down with issues on their homefront.

Just imagine if those words had been sent to you! How would they have affected you?

Be careful what you say is all I am saying. Maybe in time I will consider adding this person back. But in the meantime with what is going on right now on my homefront. My job currently is to attend to that. I just hope you feel the same way.

To those that have read thank you!