Rewind Of Events

As you all know my kids have started back to school. All are doing very well thus far and I couldn't be more proud of them. Currently, all 3 are maintaining A/B averages yay!

About 4-5 days ago I placed an order with Craze Costumes. I ordered my oldest son's costume, and Carringtons. I was in the mitz of purchasing Andrews until I realized he is going to be with his dad for Halloween (as it falls on his wknd). I tried my best to get him to consider letting me have Andrew, but alas he denied. But that's okay, because I promise there will be no more favors coming from my way.

Here is Carringtons



Here is Daniels



I think both we look magnificent in their new costumes!!

I also would like to mention a site where I found T-shirts that come in an array of assortments. I order 3 for myself about 2 wks ago, recieved them, and love them!! The pricing is very reasonable, and you can't go wrong!! Something for everybodies tastes, well if you love T-shirts that is. They also sell other odds and ends (stationary, cards, etc.). The site is called "EquineAddicts".

On another note I went out with mom and the kids earlier. We went by "Game Stop" and bought Daniel a harddrive for his XBOX 360. We than went to Target and the kids were able to pick out two games each. While I was there too, I picked Carrington up some sport's bra/panty sets. She was excited lol.

Came back home, showered, now blogging, and thinking about what to fix for supper.

Well that about sums up these few past weeks.

Til next time ..

Letting Go

Where do I start, or should I say where do I begin? As you all know Daniel is Bipolar/ODD/ADHD. He has had issues since he was first diagnosed with ADHD at age 6. Since than, over the next several years, I've been they type of parent that is very strict, and one whom didn't let her child out of sight, and really haven't let loose of that rope.

Now he is 16, and thinks that he is grown. Which by the way, I've pointed out to him countless times that he is not and he is a minor. I don't mind letting him go places, and do things, however I will NOT reward him if I believe he has NOT earned it. He did really well in school this past summer session. I allowed him to leave with his buddy across the street (ROB), and go to Great Wolf Lodge, and Busch Gardens for 3-4 days. He went there because he earned it. At first, when it was brought to me attention, I immediately said, no, only because I really haven't let him out of sight all these years, and it was very far away. What if he had gotten hurt? What is something dreadful happened? So many of these thoughts went through my head. I wasn't really sure whether to not let him go, and him hate me, and be upset, or bite my lip, let him go, and just hope for the best. Before I said yes, I told him that I wanted him to phone me every night after he had taken his meds (that is when he takes them), and say goodnight! That way I would know 1.) Great he is doing the responsible thing and taking his meds, and 2.) He is okay!. Daniel agreed he would do that! Well in the end I let him go. And he came back unharmed, and in a really awesome mood!

Until about 5-6 days later, when I found out by his own mouth that he had stopped taken his meds, and didn't take them while he was in Richmond, Va. (GWL and BuschGrdns) He took them 1 time while he was there. My thoughts on this is that he blantly lied to me by phoning home and telling me that he had took them, telling me he loves me, and goodnight. Yes, I was angry, and very upset that he would decieve me like that. How dare he lie to me!! Oh I was angry for a while!

Well that next morning, we went out as a family to Bob Evans. My son tells me that he isn't going to take his meds ever again. I told him oh but yes you are!! All I can tell you all is without Daniel on his medication (for his Bipolar, Oppositional Defience Disorder, and Attention Deficiet Hyperactivity Disorder) I, myself, can not tolerate or put up with him without them. It is very difficult because his mood swings (bipolar), aggression, threats, etc. He is a major handful. And ontop of it all he is going through puberty, which makes it that much worse. Well he continued to mouth off, raise his voice to me, and to his grandparents. I finally told him to just stop, that I was not going to discuss it any further, and we would discuss it when we got back home. He just continued and continued, til I finally told him that if it didn't hush it I would stop eating, take him outside, and sit out in the car with him. He finally stopped, and we were able to enjoy the rest of our breakfast/brunch.

We got back home, and all hell broke loose. I asked him to please take his medication, because it is very important for him to take it and two not to miss doses. He refused. My mom told him to take them, and he told her no as well. I finally got angry and went into the kitchen grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him over to his medication and told him to take it. Again, he said no. I asked him 3-4 more times to take it, and again I got No, or no response. I finally told him that if he didn't take them, that I would call 911 and have police officer come to the home. His statement to that was "whatever, I don't care". So yes, to prove to him that I was NOT kidding, and I meant what I was saying, I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I got the dispatcher on the phone explained the circumstances and asked for an officer to please come to my home and offer me some assistance. It wasn't until I was talking to the dispatcher, that he finally decided to take his medication. I hated like hell to have to pick up the phone, but at the same time I was looking out for his best interest, even though he doesn't think so. I know ultimately I did the right thing. The next day, I immediately phoned his therapist and told her that we need to have a family session, and I explained the circumstances to her. She obliged.

We took him to therapy. Myself, my other two children, and his grandparents accompanied him and his therapist for a informative well needed family session. During the session this was brought up and finally resolved. Than like other times my son makes mention what is the likelihood of me contacting his father or him. I told him I had no idea where is father was, nor did I have any numbers to phone him or address to write to him. Second of all, I promised my daughter that he would never come near her ever again. For those that are not aware (yes it's been documented through CPS and her therapist/psychologist) my ex molested my daughter. That was a hard one to swallow. Once that was said Daniel said but he is my father, what is he has changed. I told him by no means has he changed! That I loved him (Daniel), but I made a promise to Carrington (my daughter), that he (daniels dad) would never come near her ever again. Finally, the day of my divorce I was also awarded full custody of Daniel, with his father having no visitation rights whatsoever! Hell he doesn't even pay child support! So NO as far as Daniel seeing his father, the answer is not just NO, but hell NO!!! Daniel finally got up and gave me a hug, and told me he was sorry, and that he would start taking his meds, and continue so. I told him what he does after he is 21 is on him, but as long as he is under my roof, and I am the one taking care of him, than he had to abide by my rules, and my feelings. He agreed, and I happy to inform all he is taking them, as I make sure of it, as either myself, or one of his grandparents stand over him to make sure.

Well today he didn't have any school. He wanted to leave with a few buddies to go the skate park (Nicolette). I, myself, DO NOT like that park. There is to much shit that has happened over there, and I deem it not safe. When he asked, I told him NO. He went bonkers because I said no!. I just don't feel right letting him go to that park, knowing he has a mouth (which he has NO ass to back up), and god forbid someone either say something the wrong way or look at him the wrong way.. Ugh!! Well finally after he begging please, I finally gave in and let him go. But under the condition that he better come back home unharmed!

Sorry for the book, but I had to get this all out. My life is so damn hectic, it's a wonder I am staying sane as a parent/individual. But I do my best, whether I am right or wrong, I'm trying to do the right thing.

Until next time ...

Ta Da The New Me :)

I so love it!! And I am glad I did it!! What do you all think??

Tomorrow Is Hair Chopping Day!!

Found a hair style that I like and feel it will suit me and still be able to keep my hair long - and may go for some whispy bangs too --

This is how I want it to turn out (imagine with whispy bangs)




Will post pictures tomorrow after I get back home :o)

Strange Encounters

Things that make one go "hmmm"?! I just got the strangiest friend request on my facebook. It is an ex's Wife. I was briefly engaged to him. This same person's name is on my son's birth certificate ( long story about why is name is on Daniels birth certificate, and one of these days I will blog about it ). I have NOT gone looking for him, because that is the past and he is NOT Daniels father. My son knows the truth and knows who is father truly is.

I have no idea why is wife has added me after all these years. When we were engaged she wasn't even in the picture. I spoke with her about 4 years after me and the fellow split up. Alot was discussed that day, and I plainly told her than that he was liar, he was in contact with me, and of course like all men, he denied it. She (the wife) at the time didn't believe it, so I elected to meet her at St. Mary's Square, and with both of us standing their she called him. She told him where she was and who she was with. He got very angry, and if I am remember correctly they fought that evening when she got back home. But I think in the end he told her the truth, who knows.

To make it plain and simple and out in the open. I AM NOT INTERESTED in this fellow. Like I said that is the past and that is where it needs to stay.

I don't know what is going on for her to add me. Not sure if their marriage is rocky at this moment in time, but I certainly will NOT be put in the middle of what is or is not occurring. I have not spoken to this fellow in over 11 yrs almost 12, and I don't care to now.

It will be interesting to see what comes of this addition, I am still saying hmmmm....

A Closed Mouth Gathers No Feet

How true is that statement. It really irks me that some people via internet and in real life feel the need to jump in some elses backyard. They tend to point fingers and criticize things that other(s) may have or may have not done.

Well I for one would like to point out that I think it is erroneous behavior. What goes on in other peoples back yards or in their homes it's strictly their business. And the same principle works vice versa. It is so easy for some to start listing things that were told in private. It is so not cool to blurt out those mishaps via the internet. If something was told in confidence, regardless of circumstances, that is where they should stay. End of Story.

I have a few friends of mine that are very close and dear to my heart. I will not name those people, because I will assume they know who they are. I, for one, will speak my mind, and my opinion(s), regardless of the situation. I've also been dealt raw deals in life as well. Not by my folks, but by friends, ex(s), etc. I've learned because of my past not to get to close to people. It's very sad really when you think about it. But it is my way of shutting the doors on those that do not deserve my kindness, friendship, and love. Most of my closet friends know a lot of what has been dealt my way. And they've been there to pick up the pieces, or least have tried too. Trust is a big issue with me as well. It will take a whole lot for me to trust anyone.

Most of my "friends" that I consider to be friends, rather than aquaintances is online. I converse with them on a daily basis, if not every other day. I've had a whole lot of friends over the years, but they've turned out not to be the true friends whom I thought they were. They were utterly undeserving to have my friendship. My best friend (whom I thought was my best friend), slept with my ex husband. To this day I have not forgiven her, and most likely I never will, nor will I ever forget. Some have told me that I should forgive her but never forget. But that is so easy for an outsider to say. Until they've walked in my shoes, and been in my shoes, how could they possibly make a statement like that. The answer to that is they can not.

I have a few friends online that are or have been in the same situation that I was dealt. I've done my part as a friend to give them my opinion on the matter(s) in ?. However, I can only tell them what I would do if I was in their position. Ultimately, it is up to them to choose what they feel must be done to rectify the situation. Whether they stay and resolve it or they cut their losses, it will be their place to choose what they deserve. In my friends cases I think they deserve better than what they have going for them now. But again, I am speaking figurativly on this matter if it were me. All I can say is I hope and pray that they do something before it surfaces and shatters.

After my divorce, I had a whole lot of mixed emotions. And there was a brief moment were I shut down and stopped doing anything. (my own self pity party) -- but my mom, pulled me up, and told me, don't you dare let that bastard do this to you, you have 3kids that need you more now than ever. And you know what -- she was right!!

I've become a much wiser, stronger, woman/mother, since my divorce. It's been 2+ years since my seperation/divorce. I consider myself very lucky that I was able to get out while I could. I have to admit, to this day I still love him, (not in love with him), because we have a son between us. Will I ever want him back? Hell no!! He didn't deserve me than, and he doesn't deserve me now or ever! But I am much more happier now than I have ever been. I traveled down a bumpy road, crashed, and rebuilt myself to where I am today. I just hope that my friends in my situation can do what I have done, and in the end think back to themselves and say "I deserve happiness".

Til next time ..

The Stubborn Little One

Where does one begin to tell a bit about her life as a daughter.I remember being the little girl who always loved to see her daddy. My dad was the sun rise, sun set in my eyes. I remember being approximately 2-3 yrs of age and sneaking behind my dads rocker recliner, and reaching for his glass of coke/pepsi. I remember him telling me no a million times if not once, that I couldn't have a drink because it had alcohol in it. Me not understanding what he meant by this continued than and many more times after that day to get a drink of whatever he was drinking. Well I succeeded, but to my wondering taste buds I was sadly disallusioned to find out it wasn't tasty afterall, in fact it certainly wasn't what I was used to. So after taking a sip, and nearly gagging, I placed the glass back. He heard me sit it back down, and called me over to him to ask me if I had taken a drink. I said yes, and he asked me "was it worth it?".. and to be honest no it was distinctively gross.

At age 3, I was finally broke from it, not by them, but by myself. I was told not to touch my fathers drink. Did I listen? NO. My parents this particular day had a few friends over and they were playing cards. Us kids were told to stay in the livingroom, or our rooms and play. Well, I was a very stubborn 3 yr old. Telling me no, was like telling me go ahead. So, I gathered my little thoughts, and my eyes beamed on this glass. It looked so yummy, so delicious, so very tempting. With one brow down and the other arched up, my eyes peeled on this glass. It was those tall glasses that you could buy through Hardees that had looney toon characters on it. It was filled with coke/pepsi again. I thought myself okay I want a drink (dink at the time). That's all I could think of was to get my hands on the glass and start guzzling. So I climbed up the chair, and while my dad wasn't paying attention, I slowly but successfully reached for that glass to take a sip of whatever was in that glass. Unfortunately, my knees slipped off the chair, glass went down, standing straight up, I came tumbling down and the front of my face and head it the top of the glass. Never once did the glass break, otherwise it would have killed me. My mother came to my rescue, picking me up, panicking, wiping the tears and blood away. My dad felt horrible, guilty, but yet angry, because he had told me time and time again not to touch his glass at any given time. They immediately took me to the Naval Hospital. I ended up having a gash on the right side of my eye/eyebrow and ended up with 3 stitches. After that, I can and will admit I never ever touched another glass. Just one of many stories to come ..