Letting Go

Where do I start, or should I say where do I begin? As you all know Daniel is Bipolar/ODD/ADHD. He has had issues since he was first diagnosed with ADHD at age 6. Since than, over the next several years, I've been they type of parent that is very strict, and one whom didn't let her child out of sight, and really haven't let loose of that rope.

Now he is 16, and thinks that he is grown. Which by the way, I've pointed out to him countless times that he is not and he is a minor. I don't mind letting him go places, and do things, however I will NOT reward him if I believe he has NOT earned it. He did really well in school this past summer session. I allowed him to leave with his buddy across the street (ROB), and go to Great Wolf Lodge, and Busch Gardens for 3-4 days. He went there because he earned it. At first, when it was brought to me attention, I immediately said, no, only because I really haven't let him out of sight all these years, and it was very far away. What if he had gotten hurt? What is something dreadful happened? So many of these thoughts went through my head. I wasn't really sure whether to not let him go, and him hate me, and be upset, or bite my lip, let him go, and just hope for the best. Before I said yes, I told him that I wanted him to phone me every night after he had taken his meds (that is when he takes them), and say goodnight! That way I would know 1.) Great he is doing the responsible thing and taking his meds, and 2.) He is okay!. Daniel agreed he would do that! Well in the end I let him go. And he came back unharmed, and in a really awesome mood!

Until about 5-6 days later, when I found out by his own mouth that he had stopped taken his meds, and didn't take them while he was in Richmond, Va. (GWL and BuschGrdns) He took them 1 time while he was there. My thoughts on this is that he blantly lied to me by phoning home and telling me that he had took them, telling me he loves me, and goodnight. Yes, I was angry, and very upset that he would decieve me like that. How dare he lie to me!! Oh I was angry for a while!

Well that next morning, we went out as a family to Bob Evans. My son tells me that he isn't going to take his meds ever again. I told him oh but yes you are!! All I can tell you all is without Daniel on his medication (for his Bipolar, Oppositional Defience Disorder, and Attention Deficiet Hyperactivity Disorder) I, myself, can not tolerate or put up with him without them. It is very difficult because his mood swings (bipolar), aggression, threats, etc. He is a major handful. And ontop of it all he is going through puberty, which makes it that much worse. Well he continued to mouth off, raise his voice to me, and to his grandparents. I finally told him to just stop, that I was not going to discuss it any further, and we would discuss it when we got back home. He just continued and continued, til I finally told him that if it didn't hush it I would stop eating, take him outside, and sit out in the car with him. He finally stopped, and we were able to enjoy the rest of our breakfast/brunch.

We got back home, and all hell broke loose. I asked him to please take his medication, because it is very important for him to take it and two not to miss doses. He refused. My mom told him to take them, and he told her no as well. I finally got angry and went into the kitchen grabbed him by his shirt and pulled him over to his medication and told him to take it. Again, he said no. I asked him 3-4 more times to take it, and again I got No, or no response. I finally told him that if he didn't take them, that I would call 911 and have police officer come to the home. His statement to that was "whatever, I don't care". So yes, to prove to him that I was NOT kidding, and I meant what I was saying, I picked up the phone and dialed 911. I got the dispatcher on the phone explained the circumstances and asked for an officer to please come to my home and offer me some assistance. It wasn't until I was talking to the dispatcher, that he finally decided to take his medication. I hated like hell to have to pick up the phone, but at the same time I was looking out for his best interest, even though he doesn't think so. I know ultimately I did the right thing. The next day, I immediately phoned his therapist and told her that we need to have a family session, and I explained the circumstances to her. She obliged.

We took him to therapy. Myself, my other two children, and his grandparents accompanied him and his therapist for a informative well needed family session. During the session this was brought up and finally resolved. Than like other times my son makes mention what is the likelihood of me contacting his father or him. I told him I had no idea where is father was, nor did I have any numbers to phone him or address to write to him. Second of all, I promised my daughter that he would never come near her ever again. For those that are not aware (yes it's been documented through CPS and her therapist/psychologist) my ex molested my daughter. That was a hard one to swallow. Once that was said Daniel said but he is my father, what is he has changed. I told him by no means has he changed! That I loved him (Daniel), but I made a promise to Carrington (my daughter), that he (daniels dad) would never come near her ever again. Finally, the day of my divorce I was also awarded full custody of Daniel, with his father having no visitation rights whatsoever! Hell he doesn't even pay child support! So NO as far as Daniel seeing his father, the answer is not just NO, but hell NO!!! Daniel finally got up and gave me a hug, and told me he was sorry, and that he would start taking his meds, and continue so. I told him what he does after he is 21 is on him, but as long as he is under my roof, and I am the one taking care of him, than he had to abide by my rules, and my feelings. He agreed, and I happy to inform all he is taking them, as I make sure of it, as either myself, or one of his grandparents stand over him to make sure.

Well today he didn't have any school. He wanted to leave with a few buddies to go the skate park (Nicolette). I, myself, DO NOT like that park. There is to much shit that has happened over there, and I deem it not safe. When he asked, I told him NO. He went bonkers because I said no!. I just don't feel right letting him go to that park, knowing he has a mouth (which he has NO ass to back up), and god forbid someone either say something the wrong way or look at him the wrong way.. Ugh!! Well finally after he begging please, I finally gave in and let him go. But under the condition that he better come back home unharmed!

Sorry for the book, but I had to get this all out. My life is so damn hectic, it's a wonder I am staying sane as a parent/individual. But I do my best, whether I am right or wrong, I'm trying to do the right thing.

Until next time ...